Plus I got this in the (e)mail today:
Dear XXXX XX XXXX GERXXXXXX (UXXXXXXX)
This is to inform you that your SEP application has been approved for the stage Interview of Short listed SEP Candidate. Your allocated Partner University: University of Guelph.
Heh heh heh. I'm happy!! I wasn't expecting anything actually. Kinda disappointed that it wasn't UPenn or Toronto (my 1st and 2nd choices respectively) but I'm still going on SEP, which is the important thing! The university's in a pretty small city (by international standards) and I think the singaporean population's really limited, if present at all. Plus I'm probably one of the pioneering singaporean exchange student(s) there since its a new exchange agreement - it isn't even listed on the iro website, nor nus on theirs. It's gonna be a new experience! (Assuming the uni doesn't reject me, ahem.)
This would change some things, though - it means that I won't have money for the trip to mongolia.
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And I think I have been running out of steam right from the start of the semester. I don't know if its because of the events that took place just before the semester started, or just part of the usual cycle that I normally go through. A year ago (meaning y1sem2) also saw me quite deflated - then again a pretty big event also did take place before the semester started, too! -rawr- The modules this semester are definately more interesting (on the whole) than the previous, so why am I still crawling on the ground? Is it because the one month "break" isn't enough for the mad slogging the previous semester? Or is it because I've never been a "EVERY EXAM/TEST DEMANDS MY FULL EFFORT" kind of person - I remember only truly studying my guts out for the Os and As, never for the school exams, let alone tests, and now every single paper I turn in affects my final grade, so every paper is like a mini major exam. Highly stressful! Its the time of the year where I sit and wonder, what am I doing with my life? I want to believe that its not just my grades that counts, its everything else, too, but the fact that you need a stellar set of results to knock on the doors of the places that I want to go plus the fact that I have been denied before because of the very same reason stops me from not obsessing over certain things. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough with my life, there are so many things I want to do, for myself and for others, but here I am, floating along the river of my life, wasting hours a day on facebook, blogger and whatever else rubbish. Where's the discipline?! Where's the motivation?! And I wonder what could have been if some things had/had not happened, if I had been patient or stupid enough. Karin's comment swims in my head. And I listened/watched the old concert vcds again last night, which brought back memories, some pleasant, some not so, all bittersweet, and I ask myself, where did that me go? That me who loved co so much - its not the heavier responsibilities now, its like this decaying disease which has been present since the very first day that only got bigger. What happened? Fatigue of the same old same old? I think I seriously need a hiatus after I relinquish my duties to find that spark again. Not just the spark for co, but for me myself too. Or is this it? After 9-13 years, time to let go? And now I'm 21, but I still don't know how to approach this issue at home. I asked God to show me the right time to say it, to do it, and how should I do it, but up to now I'm still clueless and my tongue is still stuck and I feel like I'm avoiding this issue. Maybe its not the time yet. I don't know. AhhhhHHhHHHHHHh. Patience, ger, all in His time.
This covers all the issues in my head already.
ramble ramble ramble.
